Harry Potter Random Poems
by Johnnys-eeyore
Summary: My weird and sometimes dirty poems, no, not more of my limericks, something different! Please Read & Review *CHAPTER 2*
1. Chapter 1: Annoying Brats

Harry Potter Random Poems

Author: Johnnys Eeyore, fresh from seeing Jackass: The Movie for the third time in a week! It kicks so much ass!

Title: Harry Potter Random Poems

Disclaimer: Err…I don't own Harry Potter…there done (Starts walking away but is called back) What? I have to say that about all of them? (Uses Puppy Dog Eyes) but that isn't fair! (Pretends to cry) Sue me? SUE? OK then, Harry Potter and/or all related characters do not belong to me, the fabulous, wonderful (under breath) greedy, JK Rowling owns them all…(Sob) 

Authors Note: Nope, this isn't more limericks by me (Check them out on my profile) these are poems and rhymes, as I can make them longer and nastier than limericks! Muwahahahahahahahahaha! I am evil Johnny, I am evil Johnny! (Dances around in Devil costume shaking maracas)

Random Poems- Chapter 1: Annoying Brats 

Harry Potter-

"Harry Potter thinks he's great

 He really likes to masturbate

 Some nights he sits up in his room

 Rubbing on his long, hard broom

 Thinks he's fabulous, clever and cool

 Really he acts like a moronic fool

 With the lightening scar upon his head

 God I wish that Harry was dead"

Ron Weasley-

"With bright Red hair atop his head

 Looking poor and under fed

 He's 'Wonder boys' bestest friend

 Always looking for cash to lend

 With six brothers and sisters he has to compete

 But has a weirdo fetish with feet

 He likes to sit and watch Harry sleep

 Ron really is a perverted freak"

Hermoine Granger-

"She's the Miss Goody Two Shoes of the year

 What they don't know is that she's queer

 She prefers people that are of the same sex

 She finds a mans 'organ' far too complex

 She spends her time with studies and books

 Very self-conscious about her looks

 No one really understands Miss Granger

 Could her sexuality be any stranger?"

Authors Note: I am going to do these section-by-section, placing characters under heading that I think best describes them, hence Harry being under 'Annoying Brats'. Please review…please? You can even flame!

Next- 'Sexy Buggers'


	2. Chapter 2: Sexy Buggers

Harry Potter Random Poems

Author: Me…blunt or what!

Title: Harry Potter Random Poems

Disclaimer: See 'Annoying Brats' (Evil, devious snigger)

Authors Note: Erm…hello? Hehe! Please review once you have read these! Please? I appreciate reviews…they are…err…nice! Lol! And now you see how truly retarded I am!

WARNING: This will be a highly perverse section as I think the characters included in it are all sexy man beasts…you have been warned!

Random Poems- 

Chapter 2: Sexy Buggers

Severus Snape (Drool)-

"Severus is the sexiest of men

 I wouldn't mind playing with his meaty pen

 On his own in the Dungeons, like a brave Ranger

 I wish he was in my 'torture' chamber

 With his handsome looks, he's obnoxious and snide

 Fuels his sarcasm with Slytherin pride

 With manhood that's gorgeous, powerful and long

 Severus was made to wear a thong"

A/N: (Goes off into disturbingly dirty daydream about a rather lovely potions master)

Lucius Malfoy (Yummy)-

"With his perfectly gorgeous bod

 He's truly the blonde sex God

 He's cruel, funny and sarcastic

 Has money and muggle 'plastic'

 This Malfoy was once a Death Eater

 But his appearance has become much neater

 He always seems rational and sane

 Ruling them all with his 'sexy' snake cane"

A/N: 'Plastic'- credit cards etc…(Feels stupid)

Draco Malfoy-

"Like a miniature model of his Dad

 He enjoys being sexy but bad

 He's witty, abusive and snide

 The guy all the girls want to ride

 With his slick blonde hair

 He's not one to be fair

 Is wanting to see his dong

 Really that wrong?"

A.N: Dong- genitals! Lol! Well, I did say I was perverted!

Please review, criticism is welcome, but only if it's constructive. All non-constructive criticism will be mocked in the next chapter! Please review…please?

Next: Really Funky People! 


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